Beard – A Functional Feature

One thing, multiple uses. And the thing is the beard. Do you have one? Have you ever wondered about the perks of having a beard? While it may seem silly, a beard is definitely something that needs appreciation.

It is not an ornament. It is a functional feature, coming in handy to hide that double chin or that funny round face. It is like a man’s natural concealer, for it conceals (the lack of) his jawline, pimples, acne scars and almost anything on his cheeks.

Catalyst for the thinker. Your brain sure does the thinking, but beard is its friend in need. Remember the last time you saw a worried man touching his beard as he struggled to come up with a solution. I bet he never told you how that stimuli on the fingertips subtly aided him. You think those ancient sages and philosophers sported beards for nothing?

Shield for the face. It’s a cold winter evening now, and I can feel the underrated warmth my beard is offering to my face. I also do not remember the last time a nasty mosquito bit my cheeks. This shield can also be dropped off instantly as a survival tactic. Say, you committed a crime and need buffer time to escape. Just shave off your beard for a while, until you reach a new city. But remember, the cops on your lookout need to be dumb.

Permanent stress buster. A beard is something better than stress balls and fidget spinners. Combing it with your fingers while you think of ways to de-stress can bring down your stress levels by distracting you with a mildly induced tangible ASMR. I can vouch for this with personal experience.

The only downside. You need good genes to get a good beard naturally. Or you need expensive cosmetic products which can guarantee that your marinaded beard won’t start greying in the next 5-7 years. If you don’t have any of these, don’t worry – there’s nothing much you can probably do to get a good beard. Except, getting a realistic beard tattoo on your cheeks. Cheers!

© Barnadhya Rwitam

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