some days 
I want out. 

not a vacation. 
not some weekend getaway
I mean really gone,
off the grid, off the map, 
deep into some dense forest 
where no one talks 
no one texts 
no one expects anything. 

no buzzing phones 
no smiling lies 
no goddamn pretending. 

just trees 
just wind 
just the sound of something real for once,
leaves cracking, 
maybe a stream running.
maybe nothing,
even better. 

no apologies 
no explanations 
no one waiting for anything. 

just me 
breathing.

no more performing,
no more defending
just
lost out there, 
stumbling out of my own story
into somewhere cleaner,
into some place
where no one wants 
anything from me,
leaving me in peace.